Ten Pages

Well, I've been working on this paper for the religion symposium. The paper is due on December first and must be 10-12 pages long. More Here

So I finally broke ten pages an hour or so ago. Not ten full pages, mind, there are only about eight lines on the tenth page, but its still there. The paper is not finished--far from--but now that I've made it up to the page count (well, kind of) I feel like I've accomplished something. And also like its really going to happen--I'm really going to turn this paper in to be read and reviewed, and if its good enough it might be published! After I actually finish writing the stupid thing, of course.

And, just while I'm on the subject...why on earth did I CHOOSE to put myself through this? I can't remember ever being required to write a paper this long for a teacher, for a grade. And instead of a grade, my reward for doing well on this paper is that I have to stand up in front of a lot of people and talk about it instead. The only paper of comparable length that I've written was for the National MUN conference... also a choice. And I also had to get up and talk about it in front of a lot of people... I should stop thinking about this before I decide I'm an insane, backward, masochistic nerd. Because that is where this train of thought is headed. But the train is crashing NOW. IT REALLY IS. BECAUSE I SAID SO.

I'm guessing that the completed paper will sit at around eleven pages, which I think is a pretty good length. There are a couple 'paragraphs' that are only single sentences right now, to be expounded on later when the rest of the paragraph is more than a vague something in my head. Funny how clearly I could see the paper in my mind, what it would outline and what the overall message of it would be, but when it comes down to actually getting it out it simply doesn't want to come at all, like it has to be forced, fighting tooth and nail. (Is it me fighting tooth and nail, or the paper? You know, I'm not entirely sure.) I think I have at least a little more appreciation for the authors of those books that I consume within hours of picking them up--even if they had a clear idea of what the whole story would be, actually forcing it onto paper is not the easy, carefree, inspired process that we might want to think it is.